WEDNESDAY 4th NOVEMBER
I must start off by thanking everyone who came to Pussycats last weekend for the Hallowe’en extravaganza. It was an absolute belter and a real pleasure to be part of it, especially Saturday night which was our busiest for several months. Both DJ Ivory (on the urban duties in room two) and I had a thoroughly enjoyable time banging out the tunes to a massive up-for-it crowd.
As usual at Hallowe’en, there were many people in fancy dress, myself included. I spent £15 at Tesco on a Count Dracula outfit which I had to wear on Friday AND Saturday just to get value for money! I’m not really keen on wearing fancy dress while DJ-ing if I’m completely honest but I suppose it was something different.
I can look stupid enough in my normal clothes without dressing as a vampire!
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I took loads of photos of the weekend – about 100 I think – and you can see them in the gallery at www.djwanker.com. There are some bang tidy women in there and some wonderful cleavage action going on. A picture of Lianne’s boobs is the most viewed since the weekend and you’ll be able to see for yourself why. Ding Dong!
http://www.wanker.pussycatsnightclub.co.uk/cpg1410/albums/0%2009%20Cats%2011/0910_00000_%2804%29.jpg
For some reason, we seemed to have a lot of hot women from Shrewsbury in on Saturday. They had a good time and say they’re coming back. And, of course, they are most welcome.
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By the way, it’s free to get into Pussycats before 11.30 on a Friday with a special pass you can get from Whispers Bar, next door to the club.
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I didn’t have any acceptable footwear to go with the Dracula costume so, needing something cheap, I bought a pair of slippers from some high-class joint (*sarcasm) called Peacocks on the retail park by JJB gym.
I’m not comfortable buying slippers because they’re principally for little children and old people. It’s not a sign of a mid-life crisis either. Assuming I’m going to reach 80 (I’d take that now, to be honest) then, being 36, I’m not quite at the midway mark.
That said, a good friend of mine had a wobble a few years back and he was about 35. He divorced his wife, got engaged to a woman 15 years younger, had extra tattoos, bought a motorbike and took up a new sport. The motorbike has now gone and so too has the younger partner. She was a cow anyway and he’s best shot of her.
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Changes are on the way for me in Telford. I’m leaving ‘the crib’ at the end of this month and moving to a new part of town along with a mate. I only stop in Telford at weekends anyway (my home is in Leicestershire, you should know that by now – do keep up) but I’m looking forward to this alteration in living arrangements.
The house in St. George’s was nicknamed ‘the crib’ when I moved in last April although, over time, the dynamic of the place changed quite dramatically – and not for the better – and, well, I’ll say no more for the moment.
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A friend of mine – and a friend with a rather large waistline – got a call from a charity called African Aid the other day. They asked if he would donate some clothes for starving African children. He told them to ‘fuck off’ because any child who can fit into his clothes certainly isn’t starving.
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Now I’m the least geeky person I know. I don’t do any of that Star Wars / Star Trek / shooting zombies on computer games and taking time off work to play the new Call of Duty sad, childish bollocks but I am a confirmed Dr Who anorak. The next episode (‘The Waters Of Mars’) will be broadcast on BBC1 at 7pm on Sunday 15th November. David Tennant will be making way for Matt Smith as The Doctor over Christmas and New Year and, as the clairvoyant woman said in the last instalment:
“You be careful, because your song is ending, sir. It is returning, it is returning through the dark. And then Doctor… oh, but then…he will knock four times.”
Every time I’ve watched that clip (see it at www.bbc.co.uk/doctorwho along with trailers for the new episode) it gives me goosebumps. It’s wrong, yes I know. I’m a grown up. However, it’s just a compelling piece of dramatic television.
“Water always wins.”
The ‘geek switch’ is now off.
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Why do people click the ‘like’ button on their own Facebook status? The fact that they’ve written the status themselves should be enough of an indication to everyone that they like it.
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Great quote (1)
Aaleyah has just come back from a fortnight in Florida where she visited Disney World for her 13th birthday and I picked her up after school last week. She told me about a discussion they’d had at school about killing animals.
She said: “It’s wrong that animals are killed to make fur which people like Victoria Beckham wear. But I don’t mind animals being killed because I love bacon.”
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Great quote (2)
My parents are in London this week and are taking in a theatre show while they’re there. They’ve been to a few over the years and there was one they didn’t enjoy.
Mum said: “I can’t remember which musical it was but it definitely had a lot of songs in it.”
A musical with songs in it? Well that narrows it down…
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Telly news.
Benidorm was brilliant again, partly due to a wonderful cameo role from Una Stubbs as idiot Martin’s mother. My earliest memory of her was in Worzel Gummidge when she played Aunt Sally. According to Wikipedia she was: “a life-size fairground doll and Worzel’s femme fatale” while Worzel was “a walking, talking scarecrow with a set of interchangeable heads, each of which suited a particular occasion or would endow him with a specific skill.”
And you wonder why I turned out the way I did watching stuff like that!
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For the record, the actor portraying Worzel was Jon Pertwee, who was also Dr Who between 1970 and 1974.
The next Doctor (1974-1981) was Tom Baker – he’s now the voiceover man on Little Britain.
Baker was followed into the TARDIS (which stands for Time And Relative Dimension(s) In Space, of course) by Peter Davison (1981-1984).
Davison’s own real-life daughter, Georgia Moffett, played Sam Nixon’s daughter in The Bill before being cast as… wait for it… David Tennant’s daughter in Dr Who.
But like I said earlier, I’m not a geek or anything…
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Back in Benidorm…
I loved the quote from Mick Garvey about Madge with her braided hair… although I can’t actually remember who he said she looked like a cross between but it made me howl.
And I had to look away when Madge and Mel were bouncing on the trampoline because of something that happened to me 23 years ago. I nearly died on a trampoline. I’m being serious.
It happened in a PE lesson at Brockington High School in Enderby when I was 13. I’ve never had great physical balance and on this day I stumbled and fell. My head slipped through the gap between the bouncy fabric and the steel frame. My body was vertical and moving forward.
Had the teacher not been there, in the right place at the right time, to grab me firmly and stop me toppling over, my neck would’ve snapped on the outer frame. Instant death. Game over. No djwanker, no nothing. Just a grave with Geoff Peters: 1973-1986 on the headstone.
There’s no punchline to this. I’m not setting up some lame gag. It’s 100% true. There’s a fine line between life and death.
Mr Arthur, my PE teacher, wherever you are now, God bless you.
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I had another rather scary episode in 1999 when I was driving on the M1. I was doing about 80mph (yes, yes, breaking the speed limit, I know) when I braked and the car veered into the central reservation. It bounced off the barrier at speed and back into the traffic, somehow avoiding every other vehicle, before coming to rest on the hard shoulder.
The car was a write-off but I didn’t have a scratch on me. No other vehicle involved.
I know I’ve brought the tone of the blog down from the usual jovial nonsense but this is the random nature of what I write about, giving you an insight into my life.
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It seems like I blow smoke up the ass of Piers Morgan every week but his Life Stories show on ITV last weekend with Dannii Minogue was excellent.
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Men vs Women – Part 2 of 6
MONEY
A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.
A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving gel, razor, shower gel and a towel.
The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 197. A man would not be able to identify more than 10 of these.
Part 3 in this series next week.
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From the letters page at Viz magazine: “To give herself more credibility, Jennifer Lopez took the first letter of her first name and the first syllable of her surname and successfully re-branded herself as the more ‘urban sounding’ J-Lo. I can’t think why Pete Doherty, with his street-cred on the wane, hasn’t done the same thing.”
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And finally… they say that 50% of marriages end with a divorce. That’s not as bad as it sounds when you realise how the other half end.
If you need that explaining, please don’t return here next week, you dumbass.
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Cheers for now,
Geoff / DJ Wanker
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