America's Next Top Blah...del

by sylvia

I’ve been watching America’s Next Top Model religiously since the second season.  What season are we on now?   I have no idea.  Nor do I know why I continue to watch it, except that I am addicted to Reality TV.

But we’re past the second episode into this season, and they’ve already pulled out some major events – makeovers on the first episode, surprise elimination on the second episode, major interaction with the president of Wilhelmina – these are all things that normally happen later in the season, and keep me coming back.  But what do I have to look forward to?  Tyra’s craziness?  BO-RING.

When the Mr. Sylvia and I were dating, we would watch the very first episode together (sometimes over the phone or internets) and then make our picks for the final three.  We would even email them to each other so that they had some semblance of “proof”.  But as the years went on, and the show got worse and worse, we cared less and less.  We began to realize, as did most people, that there was a ton of bias in the judging, and very little had to do with how well a contestant did, but more of whether or not Tyra liked you or you fit the bill for what she was going for.

For the last 5-6 seasons, you could practically dictate the race or haircolor of the girl that would win.  Tyra couldn’t pick two blondies two years in a row, so any blonde girls in the cycle following CariDee’s win were screwed, for example.

And it used to be that I actually cared and remembered the contestants that competed.  But for the last few years, I have no idea who the hell these people are.  I could be working with every single one them (no, Bianca – I’m not talking about you), and I wouldn’t really know they were on ANTM (but they would probably brag about it incessantly). 

Of course, I remember the really annoying ones, the ones who made me cringe when their Cover Girl spots came on (ugh, why did McKey win?!?!), and the ones from the earlier seasons.  And, of course, a fatty like myself can always appreciate the beauty that is Toccara, and the host of other plus-size contestants that Tyra welcomed to the show.

Of course, the flip-side to that is Whitney, who wasn’t plus-size when she auditioned, but they asked her to be, and I liked her, until her Cover Girl spots aired the next season.  Her voice made me cringe.

And then the chick a few seasons ago (was it last season?) that had an awesome face (I think she was the street preacher) but they kicked her off because she gained some weight.  So I guess it’s ok if the show tells you to gain weight so they can use you as a Plus Size model, but heaven forbid you actually become one on the show.

Ok, maybe that rant didn’t make a whole lot of sense, and maybe there are some holes in it, and maybe I’m struggling to figure out what the hell the point of this post was, but don’t you just love reality TV?  I think the editing of these shows truly is an artform.

ANTM will still remain on my “must-watch” list, but Tyra better have an all-fatty season soon, or I might stop watching in 20 or 30 years.